Healing Hearts
(published Monday October 13, 2014 by The Meadvile Tribune, Meadvile Pennsylvania.)
By Richard Sayer
Meadville Tribune
As Nerissa Galt of Saegertown walked into the hospital to give birth to her son, Holden, obviously very pregnant, she remembers someone yelled out to her “Good luck!” The voice was excited and hopeful — full of joy.
Less than 24 hours earlier she was sent home with an appointment to return the following day to induce labor.
Galt wipes tears from her eyes.
“They didn’t know.”
It was a routine appointment with her doctor in her 38th week of pregnancy. Nothing seemed to be wrong, though she remembers thinking how it was odd she hadn’t really noticed her baby moving much all day. But her day was busy and she didn’t think anything of it until she was on the way to the doctor’s office.
Her doctor ran tests and then asked another doctor to come in to run tests.
They both searched for a heartbeat that just wasn’t there. Her Holden had died before taking his first breath.
“I think I was in denial, deep, deep denial,” she said. “I actually prodded him in my belly while on my way to the appointment trying to get him to move. I never allowed my mind to go there though, that he could be dead, until they told me he was.”
Though she felt alone lying in the exam room waiting for her husband, Lee, to arrive from being called at work, she was not. One in 160 women in the United States have to endure the very news she was in shock trying to comprehend.
A stillbirth occurs after the 20th week of pregnancy. Prior to that it’s considered a miscarriage.
“No one tells you what to do,” Galt said as she tried to explain what she was thinking as she waited to tell her husband what had happened. “All I could get out was, ‘He’s gone,’ and Lee said something like ‘What?’ in disbelief and then just held me.”
The doctor came in and explained the options. She still would have to deliver her baby.
Medically there was no rush to deliver, there was no threat to Galt’s health and she could carry her baby to term as a natural course of the pregnancy. The decision was made to induce the following day.
She and Lee went home.
Holden Galt was buried near some of his mom’s family in Pine Grove Cemetery, Corry. The family puts pinwheels at his grave, many of which are given to them now by friends and family who know they do this. ‘I just wanted something to set at his grave that represented joy. I didn’t want to always be sad when I thought about Holden.’ Nerissa Galt said. TOP PHOTO: A necklace is held by Holden’s younger sister, Brynn, born just 8 days shy of a year after Holden was born, as she sat in her mother’s arms nursing. The necklace is from Held Your Whole Life, an organization that seeks to give something tangible to parents to remember their baby. It’s a free service begun by a woman who lost her son. Their website has these words ‘These precious lives never had to experience suffering or sorrow, only love. It is such an inspiring gift to our babies to have held them their whole lives.’ More information: Visit heldyourwholelife.com
Galt remembers that everything was pretty much a blur but was glad later she was given more time with her son instead of inducing the day of the exam. “I do remember saying to whoever was in the room while I waited for Lee that I didn’t know what to tell my girls. Meadow was 9 and Lennon was 7 and they had just been sitting on the couch with me the night before, feeling Holden move around my belly.”
Holden Keppel Galt was delivered at 2:20 p.m. on April 13, 2011, at 8 pounds, 3 ounces.
“They laid him on my chest and I remember saying over and over again ‘He’s so beautiful,’ I remember being so surprised I gave birth to this beautiful baby, this perfect baby, he was mine!”
Galt didn’t know what she was supposed to do. She didn’t bring her other children into the hospital, something she now regrets. “They never got to see their brother.” She didn’t unwrap her baby from the blanket to look at his whole body. She wasn’t even sure if she was supposed to take her baby to be buried.
“No one ever tells you what you need to do in these situations,” she said.
Galt has done a lot of crying over the last three years and a lot of research. She had heard of Empty Arms, a support group for mothers and families who have lost a child. She searched for a local group. She discovered locally that they no longer meet as a support group, but Patricia Burnette, a nurse in the New Life Unit at Meadville Medical Center, provides a service where she has collected items and information for grieving mothers while they are still in the hospital.
“When a baby dies, the grief is very unique and many parents find themselves isolated and lonely because they don’t have anyone to talk to who understands this particular kind of grief,” Galt said.
She wanted to talk. She wanted someone to talk to who understood.
She contacted local counselor Erica Ploski, who specializes in reproductive issues, and the two began to talk. Ploski herself had suffered several losses in pregnancy, having had six miscarriages.
“The community was lacking a warm, comfortable place for mothers who have lost babies to get together and support one another,” Ploski said. A licensed professional counselor, Ploski could remedy that.
Galt and Ploski began working together to start a support group, Healing Hearts of Crawford County, through which they could help others by providing information and support to parents dealing with a loss. Even though everyone’s experience is unique, Ploski said mothers who have lost babies understand some things better than others do.
One main issue they both have experienced firsthand is that people don’t know what to say to someone who lost a baby. Trying to be comforting, they end up saying hurtful things like “It must be God’s plan” or “you can try again.”
“People don't know,” Ploski said, “you almost have to have gone through it to have street credibility. That’s why we have this group.”
The group meets the first Thursday of every month at the Tree of Life Counseling Center, 924 Diamond Park, and is open to anyone who has lost a baby.
“We don’t want people to suffer in silence,” Ploski said, hoping to reach out to people in need.
This is how it appeared in the newspaper.
Learn more
To learn more about Healing Hearts of Crawford County, email [email protected], call Nerissa Galt at 969-4143 or email Erica Ploski at the Tree of Life Counseling Center at [email protected].
More information and links for help.
Understanding stillbirths
Many factors can lead to stillbirths, but all the causes are not known. About a third of stillbirths are undetermined as to a cause. Autopsies can help, but they are not always performed. Placental problems, birth defects, infections and other abnormalities are possible causes. Mothers at increased risk are those 35 or older, smokers and alcohol and drug users. Inadequate prenatal care and malnutrition are also risk factors. Medical improvements have led to understanding risk factors and more closely monitoring mothers with higher risk has helped decrease the number. Understanding your pregnancy can also lead to getting help early. Keeping a daily kick count or being very aware of your baby’s movement each day can help a mother take note of any changes and get to the doctor. An ultrasound can help find problems early. More information: Visit americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-loss/stillborn-trying-to-understand. Additional resources Genetic testing Some problems with pregnancy can be a result of genetics. Genetic testing is useful to know if you’re at risk. More information: Visit stephenwellsmd.com/mthfr.htm. Remembrances An organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep matches families with photographers who photograph stillborn babies for remembrances. More information: nowilaymedowntosleep.org. Support groups and information Emma’s Footprints offers help to parents who have lost a baby at facebook.com/EmmasFootprints. More information on stillbirths and miscarriages can be found at marchofdimes.org/loss/stillbirth.aspx. or If you know your baby is not expected to survive during your pregnancy or long after birth, you can find more information at perinatalhospice.org. |
Day to remember lost babies
Wednesday is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. There will be a ceremony at 5:30 p.m. in Saegertown where the names of the babies lost will be read aloud after some short readings. “Hearing our babies’ names spoken is music to our hearts,” said Nerissa Galt of Healing Hearts of Crawford County. It’s for members of the group, but if advance notice is given, others will be welcome. Those interested in attending may contact Galt or counselor Erica Ploski at [email protected] or call Galt at 969-4143 or email Ploski at [email protected]. The group also has its own open Facebook page, Healing Hearts of Crawford County. Empty Arms in Meadville Patricia Burnette, a nurse in the New Life Unit at the Meadville Medical Center, says the staff there will dress and wrap the stillborn baby in soft blankets, they take pictures, measure and weigh the baby, and collect a sample of the hair if there is any. “I try to give them as many things as possible. This is the only chance they have to be able to be with their child,” Burnette said in an email. She has even made molds of hands and feet. “People made blankets for me and my mother sews tiny little gowns so I have them when needed,” she said. Burnette says she asks permission to call the children’s mothers to see how they are doing. If they need help, she can refer them back to the physician. “We support (the parents) any way we can. We tell them what most people in their situation wishes they had done or known at a time like this, but we do what they want. If they don’t want to take their things home we keep them until they are ready.” Burnette says that Steve Mizner of Mizner Funeral Home and Cremation Services in Meadville is a big part of Empty Arms. “He will come and talk with the family and put (the obituary) in the paper.” Mizner provides a baby casket and will bury the baby for free in St. Brigid’s or St. Agatha’s if the family doesn’t have a cemetery they prefer. Mizner said the two cemeteries provide the plot no matter the religion of the family and at no cost. “I feel it’s a calling, something I just want to do,” Mizner said. |
More to come.